Off the Cliff

I stepped off the proverbial cliff today, way out of my comfort zone.

I have no alarm to wake up to tomorrow.

I'm home with my children at 6:20 p.m. on a Wednesday evening, which hasn't happened in almost a year.

I have no idea what the future holds for me.

I've never felt better.

I am not someone who says yes all of the time out of conformity or fear. I'm an idea person. I need to make a contribution, even if that idea is not liked, used or preferred, all I ask is that it be considered. Maybe that's frustrating to the person who just wants a simple answer, but I'm always thinking, can I improve this? Can I make this better? Can I offer a compromise that makes more sense and is better for a larger number of people?

I've worked in many different environments and have been at the bottom.  At this point in my career, and I want a career, not a job, I feel I should not have to settle, should not have to be degraded, condescended to or treated like a number. I'm a person.  And if I find myself at the bottom, it won't be for long, and I need to know that.

I need to be in an environment that favors intellect, that nurtures growth, that promotes humanity and kindness.  I'm not afraid of challenge.  Maybe that's why I took this leap today, to challenge myself. To find a way back to myself. To navigate blindly down the path that will lead me someplace better.

I'm scared. I'm excited.

Hell, I'm unemployed.

Keeping the Faith

After a very long and winding road that seemed like it would never end, we are finally closing on our home tomorrow.

What a strange and wonderful journey.  To think that the place that I so badly couldn't wait to break away from when I was becoming an adult is the very place that I'm eager to return to with the family I've created.

Our time in Florida taught me many things and while I have grumbled a bit since that move, I am grateful for the experience.  I have learned a great deal, not only about myself and those around me, but also about the inner me and what I really want out of life.

While moving away seemed like the best decision at the time, it turns out that moving back was the important milestone.  And while we've navigated a pretty bumpy road since our return to CNY, Mike and I have often looked at each other and said, no matter what, we are glad to be home.

We have been looking for our new home for quite some time, long before Florida was even a thought in our eye, and it strikes me very profoundly that none of the homes that we looked at or wanted at the time ever worked out.  We have put offers in, gotten excited, started talking about our new future, only to be disappointed by being out bid or not getting our starter home to sell.  All of the homes that we didn't get, as much as I liked them, never left me that disappointed in the end.  While many of them were nice homes, they just weren't us and they weren't for our family - and a home is very important to me.  It's kind of like falling in love -- you just know when you've found the right one.

To think that beginning tomorrow I will be able to step outside my new front door and pick up the same exact two mile running route that I've been treading since I started running at the age of 16. As I sang along to the Billy Joel song that this blog post is named after today, I knew that while the locations or looks of the homes we've looked at over the years have been different, my vision of home and the family life we will enjoy in it has not changed, and if I have learned anything in this life it's that the universe will bring to you what you are envisioning, what you need, and yes, what you deserve, even if you aren't quite sure what that is yet.

My vision and my pursuit has led me to a familiar spot, yet the path in front of me is full of new adventures that I can't wait to explore with my wonderful family, old and new.

Perfect Parents

My husband and I are constantly reminding each other that we need to yell less, so when I came across an article on Twitter about becoming a less-yelling family, I had high hopes.  But when the first step began with everyone signing on to this non-yelling practice, I quickly realized we were in the toddler loophole, meaning, this non-yelling concept probably doesn't apply to us.  So here's my step-by-step rebuttal - and keep in mind we're dealing with boys aged two and three.

Step One - The Calmer Family Challenge
My challenge every day is making sure my boys aren't sneaking candy for breakfast or setting anything on fire.  They also have a tendency to run everywhere they go, so there's a lot of BOOM sounds followed by crying or whimpering, so getting through the morning without a severe eye-twitch is also a challenge.  I figure if a little yelling stops them mid-stride and saves them from careening into a cupboard door head first, I've won that round.

Step Two - Stress Warning Signs
If you think I have time to stop and analyze the warning signs of a toddler pre-temper tantrum, then you haven't met them.  They go from zero to bat-shit crazy in under a nanosecond.  Seriously, they could set records for tantrum speed.  And I get the whole argument that kids take cues from us but you don't see me repeatedly slamming my head onto the floor when I've been told no by someone - I mean these tantrums materialize out of nowhere sometimes. I need to yell just to be heard.

Step Three - Identify Temper Triggers
The word 'no.'

Step Four - Anger Management Skills
Basically this consists of me putting a pillow under my two-year old's head when he starts slamming it repeatedly into the ground because of what happened in Step Three.

Step Five - Refuse to Engage a Screamer
Yes, exactly.  Refuse to engage the screamer.  So it's ok that when they've gone all bat-shit crazy, head slamming and all, I go in my bedroom to hide?  With the door locked?  And a tumbler of scotch?

Step Six - Reduce Stress as a Family
Since my two-year-old can barely walk without tripping, I think I'll skip the family yoga session.  We do have a very set night time routine, but when your three-year old thinks candy canes are a great dinner choice things can get ugly fast.

Step Seven - Stick to Your Calmer Family Challenge for 21 Days
Look, I've tried counting to ten, to a hundred. Hell I've counted to a thousand and he's still screaming and thrashing with the best of them, so then I resort to yelling, and you know what? Sometimes the screaming stops.  Ok, most of the time it makes it worse, but once in a while it snaps them out of it.

And it's not like we yell all the time out of anger or the act of discipline.  In a small house with boys who are so close in age and still so young, yelling becomes a matter of survival.  How else is anyone going to hear me over Mickey Mouse and his pals mixed with the sounds of several incredibly loud toys (gifts from relatives who obviously hate us) and two boys who also think they need to yell to be heard?

I don't need anger-management techniques, I need a friggin megaphone.

The Guy With the Boat

I recently finished Nicholas Sparks' latest novel The Longest Ride and in it, one of his characters told a story about a guy who had a boat.

It was a small boat at first, just enough to get him from his little cottage on the beach out to sea where he could fish and catch his daily meal.  Eventually, he went a little farther out and caught bigger fish, and extra fish to sell.  The fish kept getting bigger and more plentiful, and the more money he made, the bigger his boat got until he had an entire fleet of boats and his fishing business made him very wealthy.  He was able to live in a huge mansion, but the daily stress of running a large, successful business wore him down, until all he wanted to do was retire to a small cottage on the beach and get a small row boat so he could go out in the ocean each day and fish for the pleasure of it.

Life indeed comes full circle for many of us, and the things that you once wanted to be a million miles away from suddenly you're desperate to return to.

Every year in upstate New York I struggled through winter.  I grumbled as I slipped and slid in the snow and slush, I cursed the cold white stuff as I scraped my frozen car off in the morning before work, and this past year we were unable to send the kids out in it even to play, that's how bitter cold it was.  I was so over it, I couldn't wait to never see it again.

Enter Florida.  We were given an opportunity and we ran with it, and it's been a good run.  As I packed up our entire New York household in a matter of days, I decided to take our winter stuff with us.  Sure, I've shucked some coats and things along the way, but I kept almost everything.  And as I unpacked all of my summer clothes and shoes down here in Florida, I kept thinking about the end of summer and how I liked to pull on a pair of jeans, a sweater and my cowgirl boots with ease.  I simply pushed those thoughts of seasons changing out of my mind.  I was sick of that, right?  Silly me.

Except I wasn't.  I knew deep down that as much as I loved summer, I didn't mourn its end each year, because I loved fall just as much.  And just as I was ready to scream if another flake of snow fell, each year the winters passed and I inhaled the sharp, earthy scents of spring with joy.  Winter was always something awful to endure, but spring, summer and fall made up for it in many ways.

And then there's our family and friends.  Why did I think it would be easy to leave everyone behind?  Because they would visit?  It's not same, Skype doesn't replace a warm meal with friends or a family cookout, and our children deserve to be surrounded by people who love them.

It's hard to believe that it's October already when it seems like it was yesterday that we moved to Florida.  The time has gone by so fast.  It's the Groundhog Day effect -- each day the same with no change in sight.

So, I guess I am the guy with the boat.  I have come full circle in realizing what's important.  In this short journey I have realized what I want to return to.

Now, where's my boat?

Still Searching

I came up with the term "counting years" to describe the years in youth that we spend yearning for the next level, constantly wishing we were older so we could do more.  I thought the counting years ended in my twenties when I had reached those desired age landmarks and surpassed them with little to show for it.

Yet it seems we keep the counting years alive in our minds.  In these older years though, the goal posts we are aiming for just look a little different.  Striving for a better job, more money, a better title, moving to a bigger house and so on.  Is it just that we are never happy with what we have?  For some people, I'm sure that's true, and the quest for more is strictly material and monetary, and those folks will never be happy.

For the rest of us, I believe it's more about fine tuning.  Tweaking this or that to come up with the best combination of people/jobs/environment that helps us be our best selves, and by doing so creating contentment along the way.  But how do we find contentment with what we have, and when do we decide to change our circumstances in order to be happy?

It's not that I try not to look back in life, it's that I try to grow on past experiences and glean the appropriate lesson.  I am thrilled we moved to South Florida for so many reasons.  Before we moved, my husband and I were working almost 24 hours a day between our full-time jobs and running our own business.  This move has seemed like an extended vacation, with the side benefit of us making more money and working less hours and having an entire ocean as our playground when we aren't working.  I am hesitant to complain about living here because of the amenities that surround us, but unfortunately, South Florida is missing some vital elements I need in my life to truly be content.  Having said that, I am content, for now, because I'm not quite ready for this vacation to end.

As I get older, and my counting years dwindle down, I seek a quieter life, a simpler life, and I know we will create this for ourselves.  For now, this is our journey to get there.

Mom-ivation

I struggle with keeping upbeat around my kids at times.  I work Monday through Friday from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. and at the end of the day all I want to do is change into my tank top and yoga pants, hit the couch and attempt to conquer the latest level in Candy Crush.

I do not want to make dinner, but I do.

I do not want to load the dishwasher every night, but I do.

I do not want to pick up clothes, start laundry, put the house back in order -- only to have it destroyed again as soon as my little ones wake.

But I do.

What keeps me motivated?  I would say ninety percent is just a deep down driven determination I possess to get things done.  The other ten percent is in the silly little motivational quotes and photos people pass around Facebook.  Ridiculous as it sounds, if I find a saying I connect with or read something inspirational, it keeps me going.

This all means, of course, that I make sure I find the time every day to log on to Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest in order to find these things I like or to get inspired.

The other thing I do is to try and take those frustrating parenting moments not as seriously.  Yes, when my two-month-old son projectile pooped on my shirt, some of it splashing up into my hair, I wanted to cry, scream and immediately shower.  But I was changing him on the floor of my office since I had stopped in with him before my return from maternity leave to touch base on a project and I couldn't do any of that.  So I finished changing his diaper, I rinsed the poop out of my hair and wiped it off my shirt best I could, and then I shared the story.  I got a ton of Facebook likes, laughs and giggles out of my projectile poop moment. After all, what else can you do?

So how do you keep up your motivation?  You can read other motivational tidbits here: http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/2DZAXu/voiceboks.com/how-do-you-get-your-mom-motivation/

That inspired me to blog today - I hope it inspires other parents out there to find some "you" time!

Raising Kids With or Without Religion

Mommybites, formerly babybites, recently tweeted an article about raising kids without religion. The article had some good advice, and it is a tricky line. I know, because I was raised without religion.  A lot has changed since I was a child, but as far as religion in our lives, or rather the lack, it seems some things haven't changed at all.

I have always recognized what a firestorm this topic can set off, as it did when CNN posted a an article "Why I Raise My Children Without God," from a Texas mom and blogger that detailed why she chose to raise her kids without.

Growing up, I quickly realized I was different, and if I hadn't, my religious peers were certainly quick to point it out.  I often heard that I was going to hell for many reasons: I didn't go to church, I didn't believe in God, etc.  All of these snide remarks and judgments simply furthered my belief that I was being raised the right way.  After all, I was tolerant of other's beliefs, why couldn't they be tolerant of mine?  While I may not have been an expert on religion, Christianity specifically, I knew Christ taught compassion and forgiveness. So, where was mine?

What I've realized later in life is that it's not the religion that's judgmental, it's the person.  The Texas mom who was so quick to disparage what believing in God teaches to kids in her blog has made the same mistake as those who criticized me throughout the years.  She is just as close-minded as David Parker was in fifth grade when he told me I was going to hell when I told him I didn't attend church.

I now also know plenty of Christians who are accepting of others, no matter what.  Do they secretly believe they have the right religion on their side? Probably, but as long as no one's beliefs are being criticized, chastised or judged, to me that's a harmless belief.

What I do find disconcerting in this society is how adamantly people will advocate for their religion, but the minute there is someone on the other side doing the same, the judgments come spewing out.  If you find it acceptable to bless people that you speak to or utter a "Praise God," now and then, why can't you offer someone else the freedom to utter their own beliefs, even if they are contrary to your own?

As a parent, I do believe it's important for children to grow up with a sense of community, something that I lacked in my upbringing but sought out later in life.  I enjoy listening to positive messages and inspirational stories and would love for my children to grow up believing in faith.  Faith in God, if they choose, but also faith in people.  I want my children to look around at a sea of strange faces, with the realization those strange faces may turn to you and offer kindness out of no where.  I want them to live in that world.  To me, if it happens to have a religious backdrop or take place in a church, so be it.  I am still as open minded as I have always been, I just happened to have shaped my own beliefs along the way, and yes, they include a God.  It just may not look the same as your God.

And to me, that's ok.