The Know-It-All

I know, it's annoying. That person in your life who is always telling you "if you'd only listened to me then this wouldn't have happened or you wouldn't have had to do that." Yeah. I'm that person. But I have a whole catalogue of events, anecdotes, and, let's face it, life experience, to back me up. So take heed.

The Parental Instinct
I was a child once too and did many stupid things. I got hurt. A lot. No broken bones, thankfully, but plenty of skinned knees, busted lips and bruises. So when I tell our children "don't do that or you're going to get hurt," I'm really just trying to be helpful.

Do they listen? No.

Do they get hurt? Often.

The Wifely Instinct
I'm sorry, but women are just smarter. We read the directions and guess what? We assemble the doodabber or gloogumper with no problem. Men? Well, men refuse to read directions and a string of obscenities can be heard through out the neighborhood. And when I tell you to pick up the socks that you have strewn carelessly on the (hardwood) floor? It's to avoid the inevitable accident that will occur when our buoyant three-year-old sails into the room, steps on said sock and goes careening into a piece of furniture. (For more on that topic, See: The Parental Instinct.)

The Basic Instinct
(Betcha didn't see that coming.)
I have no real sex advice to give, except to tell all of these young girls and women in their 20s to respect themselves and wait for love. It's too late for Sharon Stone, but it's not too late for you.

The Googler
I have always had a penchant for Googling, but my husband actually calls me to do this for him. I try to direct him to his own smart phone that has the ability to do this, but I have to say, Googling can be somewhat of an art form. I have a certain knack for putting in the best phrasing to get the most out of Google. So, when I Google something, and I tell you what I've found? Please don't argue with me. I've GOOGLED it.

Word Nazi
Yes, I'm going to correct your grammar and spelling, whether you are speaking or texting. I'm an unemployed Public Relations/English major. It's all I have, so let me have it, ok?

The Doctor
I grew up with few friends my own age, but we often visited my grandparents or other, elderly, relatives. All those old people would talk about their medical conditions like it was a contest of who had it worse, and who could be the most vivid in the retelling. So if you tell me you've got Gout? I'm gonna tell you how to fix that, stat.  Besides, if it's a condition I'm not familiar with from my PhD with the elderly, then, you know, I Google it. And then I know.

Just Because
I used to have oversight over several employees and was brought in to almost every discussion that affected the agency I used to work for. I was consulted by many of my peers for my expertise in housing, lending, or marketing.

Now I have oversight over a three-year-old who specializes in temper tantrums and a four-year-old who thinks he's the boss.

So I'm going to tell you where it is, when it is, and how it should be done, any chance I get.

Get it?

Got it?

Good.