Five Marriage Truths

I am, quite literally, on the verge of celebrating five years of wedded bliss. In commemoration of that, I thought it might be apt to share five marriage truths.

Let me be very clear, these are my truths, so they may not be yours, may not resonate with you, and that’s okay.

I Don’t Want to Talk About My Feelings

Contrary to popular belief, I don’t want to sit around and talk about my feelings, or your feelings, or our feelings’ feelings, just for the sake of communication. Communication doesn’t need to happen 24/7. My husband and I are so well tuned to each other, it’s almost like we have a sixth sense. He often starts talking to me in mid-thought, and I know exactly what he means, and vice versa. It’s awesome. If you have mutual trust and respect, you don’t need a gab fest, hair braiding, or pillow fights. When we need to talk about something, we talk about it, and we work through it because we want to, not because we feel compelled to.

Partners in Crime
We don’t have to share every single one of the other person’s interests, but a mutual respect and/or curiosity about those interests is nice. We both like to be outdoors, tackle home improvement projects, landscape, play tennis or golf, watch movies, listen to music etc. But if he’s watching a movie I don’t care for, I flip open a book. Sometimes, we share an interest and the other person says, “Yeah, this is pretty great.” For instance, thanks to my hubby I’ve learned to have a wider appreciation for gangsta rap, and he in turn has recently gotten into the blues. While that may not be an even or remotely fair trade, it sure keeps the spark alive.

A Laughing Matter

My husband laughs at my snide, sarcastic comments, whereas most people would frown, get teary-eyed, question their self-esteem, and call their therapist for an emergency session. The fact that he just throws his head back and laughs is one of the things I love most about him. Oh, yeah, and he’s funny too.

Being Wrong

I’m one of those people that just happens to be right most of the time. Therefore, when my husband disagrees with me, I let him try other methods destined for failure until he gives up and gives my idea a try. And then, I revel in those sweet, sweet words that come next… (WAIT FOR IT, WAIT FOR IT…). “You were right.” Cha-CHING!

Being Open to Whatever Comes Next

Life brings change. Our children come into our world. Kids grow. Jobs change. Locations change. Homes get bought and sold. We gain weight, lose weight, we are active, we hibernate. Through the myriad changes, with each passing day, our love grows deeper, our relationship stronger and we evolve together. I am impatient, sarcastic, and am not always right even though I think I am. He is patient, loving, and is also not always right even though he thinks he is. We balance each other. He balances me. He is sanity to my crazy days. He brings me up when I’m down, challenges me, puts me in my place when needed, and loves me no matter what. And I do the same. I feel the same.

Happy Five Year Anniversary to my best friend, my lobster, my eternal love.

Whadchou Say?

My oldest son is a chip off my block for sure. He is Mr. Independent, and I usually learn about some new found skill he's trying to master the hard way (i.e Gogurt all over the floor, fifteen yards of toilet paper getting flushed, boots on the wrong feet). In fact, he's taken initiative and done a lot on his own, like dressing himself, without my training or prompting, and, in some ways, I guess I've come to expect it.

Today, he wanted to tie his shoes on his own. Being the precocious little boy he is, he said, "I'll do it," rather than asking for my help. After a few failed attempts I asked if I could show him, and we worked on it together.

Fast forward to after dinner when he wanted to go outside and play with the neighbors. I have been telling him he needs to wait for them to invite him, rather than running over to their yard and peeping in their windows, but he took off for their yard seconds after my speech. I stopped him and told him to wait. He complied.

I turned my back for two seconds, and he was off. I called him back and again explained he needed to wait for them to ask, etc. He got very upset. That parlayed into him chasing his younger brother around the yard, taunting him with a stick, until my youngest was shrieking and in tears. The evening quickly fell apart and I had to resort to threats of taking some favorite things away in order to get him inside. 

As things deteriorated, I was amused and frustrated (I took his stick and threw it, which made him cry at the top of his lungs, and his crying triggered my youngest to get mad at me for throwing away the stick, which turned into two screaming, crying boys acting hysterical towards their mother, and all in the front yard, of course.) So when he finally did come inside, I gave him a few minutes and had another talk with him about waiting for an invitation and respecting other people's space. 

I asked him if he understood, and he shook his head. 

And then it hit me.

He would probably be tying his shoes on his own tomorrow, but would he wait for an invite the next time he ran outside? Or would he take off again?

I was taking his independence, and his aptitude to learn quickly, for granted. 

As a parent, I just expect my kids to listen. You hear the sound of my voice, you react. Boom. But, obviously, that doesn't always happen. 

What I didn't really put much thought into, was teaching my kids to listen. I teach them manners, their ABCs, how to count and myriad other pre-school activities, but I have not done any listening exercises. 

Light bulb!

As an experiment, I sat down with my boys and told them to listen. Then I said, "I'm going to say the letter A, when I do, I want you to say B. Do you understand?"

Nodding all around.

"A," I said.

"A," I heard in chorus.

Sigh.

Listen? Oh man!

I tried again. I told them I would say A, then I would point to Jacob, who would say B, and Brennan would say C. Well, then Jacob wanted to say A, so of course Brennan wanted to say B, but eventually we accomplished what I set out to do. Each of them was assigned a letter, and when I pointed, they stated their letter correctly.

Phew!

I'm thankful every day for my children, for all they teach me, remind me of, humble me to. I am a fast learner too, so when I see a glitch in the matrix, I put on my thinking cap and figure out a way to solve it.

Listening. It can be taught. Who knew?