Thirteen Years Lucky

An old photo of me sitting on the lap of the Coca-Cola bear brought back a lot of memories, and made me realize what a snazzy hair-do I had in college. A lot of people tell me I haven't changed much, and I usually respond, "Because I was twenty going on forty." (Seriously, look at my hair!)

I was in Atlanta for a public relations conference for PRSSA. I was a senior in college and we visited the Coca-Cola factory.  I know for a fact this was in the Fall of 2001, because we rented a car and drove - the four of us who refused to fly post 9/11. As I sifted through some relics from my past, I had to ponder the fact that I was such a serious student, so focused on my career, and then juxtaposition that to where I am now.  I am getting more than a little discouraged at where my career is today. I had so many goals, so many ambitions. It's hard to believe this was thirteen years ago.

Sidebar: If you're shocked that a twenty-one year old college student was spending a weekend networking and learning about how to break into the field of public relations, then you must not know me very well. I was a nerd growing up and still am. I didn't drink and party while in college; I worked three jobs simultaneously and studied. I went to class in dress pants and business suits. I was often mistaken for the professor. It is what it is.

Then I read a great blog post on LinkedIn called When to Turn Your Back on Your Career and I mentally slapped myself in the brain.

She was right. It's a career. It's not my life. It doesn't define me. When I went through my box of memories, it was those crazy adventures with my friends or pictures of my family acting goofy that meant the most. Sure, some of it I had completely and totally forgotten about -- either early signs of dementia or proof that when new information comes in, old information gets tossed like yesterday's trash, but a little reminder brought it all back, and that, in turn, brought a smile to my face.

I have learned a lot in thirteen years. I am not where I had pictured myself to be back when thirty seemed like a swear word, and a million miles away.  I am in a better place, and for once in my life, I'm not grasping at whatever comes my way. I'm making choices and taking charge. I think that young woman on the bear would be shocked, but also smiling, to glimpse what the future held.

Home Work

I know my husband thinks I have it easy right now, but I'm doing more work now that I'm home than I've ever done before.

Sure, some of it's self inflicted. I do love to cook, and I find myself making whatever pops in my head. Pumpkin bread with mini chocolate chips? Sure! Homemade croutons? Why not! Lasagna, chili, French Onion soup, oh my!

The other items are things that have been neglected since we moved in to our house in June.  Since I was only (grudgingly) given less than two full days off (I went in to work the morning we closed, had to work that Saturday for someone on short notice, and was only given Monday off when it turned out we had no power and had to wait for National Grid, whose appointment time frame consists of any time between dawn and dusk), there was a lot I didn't get to do.

And because we had no power those first few days, my plan of deep cleaning the house and painting before we moved all of our stuff in was totally shot down the shitter. So, I've been steam mopping, steam cleaning (yes, for the obsessive compulsive cleaners like me these are two completely different endeavors), and vacuuming WITH all of the attachments, among other things.

(Sidebar: Who came up with the spelling of vacuum? Why does it have two "u's?" That's insane! I always want to spell it with two "c's" because I know it has two of something and the "u" just doesn't strike me as a double letter sort of letter.)

Oh yeah, and then there's the two little devil monsters, I mean ANGELS, that were 99 percent of my decision making process when I left my job.  I felt like I never saw them and when I did, my interaction with them was angry and impatient because everyone I was surrounded by at work was angry and impatient.

Turns out, you need angry and impatient in your back pocket with these two.  They do, after all, take after their mama, and I was no angel. Cute, yes. Capable of bringing down the house with any one of my myriad comedic routines? Sure.  But I bet if you asked my mother if I was easy to raise you'd hear the peels of laughter in the Sudan.

So let's do a quick summary of my work at home thus far:

• Deep cleaning (including a stint where I dipped an old cloth in a mixture of hot water and Spic-N-Span and wiped down all the baseboards, heating baseboards, and all of the stairs BY HAND.);
• Normal every day cleaning (i.e. picking up after ABSOLUTELY EVERYONE!);
• Cooking (and photo documenting it on Instagram and Facebook to make everyone's mouths water. Jealous?);
• Making sure my boys don't maim, hurt, claw, bite or otherwise injure themselves or anyone else;
• Teaching my little ones some preschool stuff since my four-year-old is preschool wait-listed (don't they know who he is?);
• Lumberjacking. Yes, I said lumberjacking. It's now a word and I'm making it a verb. As in, my husband got the super fun job of hacking up the enormous twenty foot weeping willow tree hunk (cause branch just sounds too weak - this thing was mammoth) with a freaking CHAIN SAW (if you know me at all, you should know I have serious love for power tools of any kind) and I got the super not-fun task of lumberjacking all the hacked up wood to the road so the town could come pick it up. I'M STILL SORE;
• Plumbing. Yeah, Bob Villa's got nothing on me, wassup? Ok, so the parts I bought didn't completely fix our running toilet because I bought them at Kmart and it turns out they were a total blue light UNspecial, but when I get the right-fitting parts next time, it's going to totally kick ass;
• Painting. I finally painted over the fugly olive green paint in the kitchen and now need to settle on a color for the entry way.  I'm thinking of a yellow-gold, but am willing to consider suggestions;
• Organizing. I finally have a closet I can be proud of! Shoes on display! Everything hung all nice and neat AND I have closet space to spare! Woot woot! And;
• Channeling Martha Stewart. I have a super clean house, yard (I even planted mums post-lumberjacking) AND I have all my Halloween decorations up.  Maybe I'll schedule some afternoon horseback riding after my spot of tea. If only I had a horse...

Are you exhausted yet? And I didn't even mention all of the writing I'm getting done (my content marketing blog and some fiction writing, thank you very much) or all the books I've read. Cause I can multi-task. And I can never sit still.

Pretty soon I'm going to need a break from all of this work, and actually go back to work.

Off the Cliff

I stepped off the proverbial cliff today, way out of my comfort zone.

I have no alarm to wake up to tomorrow.

I'm home with my children at 6:20 p.m. on a Wednesday evening, which hasn't happened in almost a year.

I have no idea what the future holds for me.

I've never felt better.

I am not someone who says yes all of the time out of conformity or fear. I'm an idea person. I need to make a contribution, even if that idea is not liked, used or preferred, all I ask is that it be considered. Maybe that's frustrating to the person who just wants a simple answer, but I'm always thinking, can I improve this? Can I make this better? Can I offer a compromise that makes more sense and is better for a larger number of people?

I've worked in many different environments and have been at the bottom.  At this point in my career, and I want a career, not a job, I feel I should not have to settle, should not have to be degraded, condescended to or treated like a number. I'm a person.  And if I find myself at the bottom, it won't be for long, and I need to know that.

I need to be in an environment that favors intellect, that nurtures growth, that promotes humanity and kindness.  I'm not afraid of challenge.  Maybe that's why I took this leap today, to challenge myself. To find a way back to myself. To navigate blindly down the path that will lead me someplace better.

I'm scared. I'm excited.

Hell, I'm unemployed.

Keeping the Faith

After a very long and winding road that seemed like it would never end, we are finally closing on our home tomorrow.

What a strange and wonderful journey.  To think that the place that I so badly couldn't wait to break away from when I was becoming an adult is the very place that I'm eager to return to with the family I've created.

Our time in Florida taught me many things and while I have grumbled a bit since that move, I am grateful for the experience.  I have learned a great deal, not only about myself and those around me, but also about the inner me and what I really want out of life.

While moving away seemed like the best decision at the time, it turns out that moving back was the important milestone.  And while we've navigated a pretty bumpy road since our return to CNY, Mike and I have often looked at each other and said, no matter what, we are glad to be home.

We have been looking for our new home for quite some time, long before Florida was even a thought in our eye, and it strikes me very profoundly that none of the homes that we looked at or wanted at the time ever worked out.  We have put offers in, gotten excited, started talking about our new future, only to be disappointed by being out bid or not getting our starter home to sell.  All of the homes that we didn't get, as much as I liked them, never left me that disappointed in the end.  While many of them were nice homes, they just weren't us and they weren't for our family - and a home is very important to me.  It's kind of like falling in love -- you just know when you've found the right one.

To think that beginning tomorrow I will be able to step outside my new front door and pick up the same exact two mile running route that I've been treading since I started running at the age of 16. As I sang along to the Billy Joel song that this blog post is named after today, I knew that while the locations or looks of the homes we've looked at over the years have been different, my vision of home and the family life we will enjoy in it has not changed, and if I have learned anything in this life it's that the universe will bring to you what you are envisioning, what you need, and yes, what you deserve, even if you aren't quite sure what that is yet.

My vision and my pursuit has led me to a familiar spot, yet the path in front of me is full of new adventures that I can't wait to explore with my wonderful family, old and new.

Perfect Parents

My husband and I are constantly reminding each other that we need to yell less, so when I came across an article on Twitter about becoming a less-yelling family, I had high hopes.  But when the first step began with everyone signing on to this non-yelling practice, I quickly realized we were in the toddler loophole, meaning, this non-yelling concept probably doesn't apply to us.  So here's my step-by-step rebuttal - and keep in mind we're dealing with boys aged two and three.

Step One - The Calmer Family Challenge
My challenge every day is making sure my boys aren't sneaking candy for breakfast or setting anything on fire.  They also have a tendency to run everywhere they go, so there's a lot of BOOM sounds followed by crying or whimpering, so getting through the morning without a severe eye-twitch is also a challenge.  I figure if a little yelling stops them mid-stride and saves them from careening into a cupboard door head first, I've won that round.

Step Two - Stress Warning Signs
If you think I have time to stop and analyze the warning signs of a toddler pre-temper tantrum, then you haven't met them.  They go from zero to bat-shit crazy in under a nanosecond.  Seriously, they could set records for tantrum speed.  And I get the whole argument that kids take cues from us but you don't see me repeatedly slamming my head onto the floor when I've been told no by someone - I mean these tantrums materialize out of nowhere sometimes. I need to yell just to be heard.

Step Three - Identify Temper Triggers
The word 'no.'

Step Four - Anger Management Skills
Basically this consists of me putting a pillow under my two-year old's head when he starts slamming it repeatedly into the ground because of what happened in Step Three.

Step Five - Refuse to Engage a Screamer
Yes, exactly.  Refuse to engage the screamer.  So it's ok that when they've gone all bat-shit crazy, head slamming and all, I go in my bedroom to hide?  With the door locked?  And a tumbler of scotch?

Step Six - Reduce Stress as a Family
Since my two-year-old can barely walk without tripping, I think I'll skip the family yoga session.  We do have a very set night time routine, but when your three-year old thinks candy canes are a great dinner choice things can get ugly fast.

Step Seven - Stick to Your Calmer Family Challenge for 21 Days
Look, I've tried counting to ten, to a hundred. Hell I've counted to a thousand and he's still screaming and thrashing with the best of them, so then I resort to yelling, and you know what? Sometimes the screaming stops.  Ok, most of the time it makes it worse, but once in a while it snaps them out of it.

And it's not like we yell all the time out of anger or the act of discipline.  In a small house with boys who are so close in age and still so young, yelling becomes a matter of survival.  How else is anyone going to hear me over Mickey Mouse and his pals mixed with the sounds of several incredibly loud toys (gifts from relatives who obviously hate us) and two boys who also think they need to yell to be heard?

I don't need anger-management techniques, I need a friggin megaphone.

The Guy With the Boat

I recently finished Nicholas Sparks' latest novel The Longest Ride and in it, one of his characters told a story about a guy who had a boat.

It was a small boat at first, just enough to get him from his little cottage on the beach out to sea where he could fish and catch his daily meal.  Eventually, he went a little farther out and caught bigger fish, and extra fish to sell.  The fish kept getting bigger and more plentiful, and the more money he made, the bigger his boat got until he had an entire fleet of boats and his fishing business made him very wealthy.  He was able to live in a huge mansion, but the daily stress of running a large, successful business wore him down, until all he wanted to do was retire to a small cottage on the beach and get a small row boat so he could go out in the ocean each day and fish for the pleasure of it.

Life indeed comes full circle for many of us, and the things that you once wanted to be a million miles away from suddenly you're desperate to return to.

Every year in upstate New York I struggled through winter.  I grumbled as I slipped and slid in the snow and slush, I cursed the cold white stuff as I scraped my frozen car off in the morning before work, and this past year we were unable to send the kids out in it even to play, that's how bitter cold it was.  I was so over it, I couldn't wait to never see it again.

Enter Florida.  We were given an opportunity and we ran with it, and it's been a good run.  As I packed up our entire New York household in a matter of days, I decided to take our winter stuff with us.  Sure, I've shucked some coats and things along the way, but I kept almost everything.  And as I unpacked all of my summer clothes and shoes down here in Florida, I kept thinking about the end of summer and how I liked to pull on a pair of jeans, a sweater and my cowgirl boots with ease.  I simply pushed those thoughts of seasons changing out of my mind.  I was sick of that, right?  Silly me.

Except I wasn't.  I knew deep down that as much as I loved summer, I didn't mourn its end each year, because I loved fall just as much.  And just as I was ready to scream if another flake of snow fell, each year the winters passed and I inhaled the sharp, earthy scents of spring with joy.  Winter was always something awful to endure, but spring, summer and fall made up for it in many ways.

And then there's our family and friends.  Why did I think it would be easy to leave everyone behind?  Because they would visit?  It's not same, Skype doesn't replace a warm meal with friends or a family cookout, and our children deserve to be surrounded by people who love them.

It's hard to believe that it's October already when it seems like it was yesterday that we moved to Florida.  The time has gone by so fast.  It's the Groundhog Day effect -- each day the same with no change in sight.

So, I guess I am the guy with the boat.  I have come full circle in realizing what's important.  In this short journey I have realized what I want to return to.

Now, where's my boat?

Still Searching

I came up with the term "counting years" to describe the years in youth that we spend yearning for the next level, constantly wishing we were older so we could do more.  I thought the counting years ended in my twenties when I had reached those desired age landmarks and surpassed them with little to show for it.

Yet it seems we keep the counting years alive in our minds.  In these older years though, the goal posts we are aiming for just look a little different.  Striving for a better job, more money, a better title, moving to a bigger house and so on.  Is it just that we are never happy with what we have?  For some people, I'm sure that's true, and the quest for more is strictly material and monetary, and those folks will never be happy.

For the rest of us, I believe it's more about fine tuning.  Tweaking this or that to come up with the best combination of people/jobs/environment that helps us be our best selves, and by doing so creating contentment along the way.  But how do we find contentment with what we have, and when do we decide to change our circumstances in order to be happy?

It's not that I try not to look back in life, it's that I try to grow on past experiences and glean the appropriate lesson.  I am thrilled we moved to South Florida for so many reasons.  Before we moved, my husband and I were working almost 24 hours a day between our full-time jobs and running our own business.  This move has seemed like an extended vacation, with the side benefit of us making more money and working less hours and having an entire ocean as our playground when we aren't working.  I am hesitant to complain about living here because of the amenities that surround us, but unfortunately, South Florida is missing some vital elements I need in my life to truly be content.  Having said that, I am content, for now, because I'm not quite ready for this vacation to end.

As I get older, and my counting years dwindle down, I seek a quieter life, a simpler life, and I know we will create this for ourselves.  For now, this is our journey to get there.