How to Start a Book Club [Or Don't Bother and Just Join Mine]

Well, folks. It's been a hot minute.

Ok, "folks" might be a stretch. I'm pretty sure my only follower is my mom, and that's because I logged onto her phone to subscribe her. 

So, we survived a global pandemic, a shortage of toilet paper, a housing boom, rising interest rates, inflation, 500,000 egg memes, AI threatening our very existence, and learning an entirely new language courtesy of Gen Z (I'm in my rizz era).

Once the dust settled, you, like me, might have asked yourself what's next? 

Step One: Read Books and Drink Wine

Well, I don't know about your liver, but I drank a lot of wine during the pandemic. And I read a lot of books. Which got me thinking — what if I read books and drank wine with other people?

Genius, I know.

I'd wanted to be part of a book club for years. But work-at-home life was turning me into a bit of a recluse. I had friends at work, sure, but they lived seven states away. I wanted to find several in-person book nerds who also liked wine (or sparkling water! we're inclusive!).

It was a summer day, poolside, when I told my neighbor Dina about a great book I was reading by an author I really liked. She said, "I want to read more, but I need an excuse to read more."

So. I started a book club.

Sure, I still have several half-written novels chillin' on my laptop. But since those don't seem to be getting published any time soon, I figured the next best thing was to sit around with a group of like-minded gal pals, slurp down a glass of wine (or sparking water! you don't have to be an alcoholic to join!), and critique someone else's writing. It's cathartic.

Step Two: Ask Others to Join

After I forced, I mean suggested, that Dina join, we floated the idea by our neighbor Rhianna who was all for it. We started off with our first book and our small little group quickly grew. As soon as I would tell someone about my latest book club meeting I would be met with, "Book club? How do I join?" I mean who doesn't want to read a good book, stuff your face with finger foods for dinner, and hang out with a bunch of awesome women who have varied and insightful opinions?

Step Three: Read, Get Together, and Repeat

Today we have nearly 10 local members plus our social pages and our newly launched website. Wine Drinking Team Book Club started off like most things start off. Small and simple. But once people get to know me, (ok, US) they all want a seat at the table. (Bruh. It's the rizz.)

 

Parental Superiority

I want to clear something up. I am not on here to say that I'm the world's greatest mother or that I am some sort of parenting expert. I am simply trying to remember each passing second of my boys' cuteness and thought that blogging would be a great keepsake one day. You know, when I'm old and not needed.

Blogging about parenting does not make me superior, and I'm in no way trying to put down anyone else's parenting methods. I created this blog because I made a decision to be a stay-at-home parent, and I'm not condemning anyone else for being a go-to-work parent. I am not better, or worse, just different. We all are.

I aspire to have the kind of blog that makes other parents laugh, to maybe inspire a parent who is tired and overwhelmed that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and lastly, for me to have an outlet for my writing. 

I like humorous blog posts about raising boys, (And we all have different ideas about humor, am I right? Just sit my husband and me in front of a Seth Rogan/James Franco movie. He laughs. I do not.) and if I find a blog post about parenting that isn't my cup of tea, I keep surfing. Want to be a peaceful parent? Ok! A fan of structure? Cool! Work 80 hours a week? Zero? Whatever makes you happy. 

I understand that somehow we have developed into a society that has myriad parenting styles, as demonstrated by the Similac commercial, but here's what I don't get:

The Knee-Jerk Let's-Be-Offended Reaction

I don't get why there is so much opinionated backlash to every confounded idea. I thought the Similac ad went on a little too long, but other than that, it was hyperbole. The stereotypical parental types were exaggerated on purpose, which is why I was scratching my head over Mayim Bialik's blog post. Of course the nursing babies were covered up, because, last I checked, Janet Jackson has been the only female who has gotten away with exposing her breasts during the Super Bowl. And that? Was very much frowned on. The nursing babies were covered up because I guess there are still some standards on television, and to make sure the audience understood there were nursing babies under there. It's the Super Bowl, not Jeopardy, implied characterizations must be super obvious for this crowd.

The Negative Comments

There are a lot of negative comments on parenting blogs, which I also don't understand. If you don't like it, don't read it. 

Ripping a parent/blogger apart for expressing an idea would be like me going to a restaurant and getting offended by the dessert tray. Sure, I love cannolis, but how dare you present me with peanut butter pie! I hate peanut butter pie. What if I was allergic to peanuts? Do you know the chemicals used on peanut... trees? Oh, whatever, you get my drift. Rather than bashing the peanut butter pie or the person who presents it, I would simply say no thank you and move on. But first: leave the cannoli.

This Mama Knows Best, No This Mama Knows Best!
There used to be three basic kinds of parenting styles, now it seems there are about 300. For those of us who are simply trying to put ourselves out there, who have a little self doubt a few times a day, and who ultimately want the best for themselves and their children, we need to be cut a little slack. It's become a judgmental world where individuals can safely hide behind their computer screens or smartphones while typing in some pretty hurtful remarks. If you're mature enough to read someone else's opinion, even though you disagree, without commenting what a stupid expletive the person is, then great. Pat yourself on the back.

If you can't? Maybe it's better to just leave some things unsaid. After all, I didn't rip Mayim apart for her blog or leave a scathing review. We can agree to disagree with out being so rude, mean or condescending. Can't we?

The Routine Thing

They (whoever they is) say children thrive on structure and routine. Well, guess what? So do adults. At least this adult does.

I first thought my time home was temporary, since it seemed like I had a job offer looming. So my first few weeks at home were spent relaxing and just hanging out with my children. It was a welcome change.

When it became apparent the job I thought I'd landed was not going to be offered, I realized I needed to get my act together, for my sake as well as my children's. My four-year-old did not make it into the free pre-k program, and we couldn't afford to send him anywhere, so I started to do pre-school activities with them 2-3 days per week.

I had mandated job searching and appointments required by unemployment, so I was on the computer between 9 a.m. and 5 p.m. I had also lined up some side work prior to unemployment, so I was still on a 9 to 5 shift per se - but I was able to do it all from home.

We had just moved into our house a few months earlier, so I tackled some overdue projects, my hubby and I did our DIY thing on weekends, and for once, the house was clean, meals were 100 percent home made, life was feeling less overwhelming and much more simple. For me, simple is good.

Still, I struggled to get out of bed most days. I was letting the boys stay up well after 9 p.m., and they were sleeping until 9 a.m. I was looking forward to the holidays, but the holidays weren't as cheery as I wanted them to be, as much as I tried. (No, not depression. Pain. Severe back pain. I threw my back out the worst I ever have a few weeks before Thanksgiving and was sitting with a heating pad pretty much all day, every day. It. Was. Awful.)

So, with the new year came new resolve, and I decided to make a more structured schedule. For everyone. I started setting my alarm for 6 a.m. (ok, it's really set for 6:15 and sometimes I hit snooze, so sue me) and getting into motion before the sun was up.

Exercise
Ugh. Hate it! I love to run, but several years ago I busted my knee and now running is a challenge. Plus, when it's 8 degrees outside, the only running I do is from my front door to the mailbox. Luckily, our previous home owners bestowed upon us and old elliptical machine. It's a total piece of crap and I feel like I'm running in mud, but it works. I do a simple 5-6 minutes on the elliptical from hell, I do 100 crunches and some awesome yoga stretches (my favorite part) three days a week - Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

I was never a fan of going to the gym and only did so when I trained to run a 15K road race in 2007, and after because I had the membership for the rest of the year. I think the reason I always hated the idea of working out like that is because my competitive nature kicks in and I do too much. I always figured if I made all that effort to go to the gym, I might as well get my money's worth. Well, having a cranky elliptical machine in your house and creating my own, scaled down workout routine is the best thing I have ever done. Working out early gives me more energy, I'm showered and dressed before 7:30 a.m., I feel accomplished and the stretching alone has done wonders for my back.

Mornings
I do get out of bed most days well before 7 a.m. and on the mornings I don't exercise, well, that cup of coffee just tastes extra yummy. I do work at home now, and I love to write creatively (cantcha tell?) so I use the mornings that I don't exercise to do some writing. I am proud to report I currently have four novels that are a third of the way written and about a thousand rejection emails. Yay me!

School
I always said I love teaching, but would never want to teach kids. I thought about going back to get my master's degree to teach high school or middle school English, but always said I would never, ever, ever teach pre-schoolers. I have to say, I'm not only super proud of my boys and all they have learned these past few months, I'm proud of myself. We start "school" around 9 a.m., and I sit them down with an activity. We do the same kinds of worksheets every week, so now they are pretty familiar with what they have to do. I have no doubt my four-year-old will kick kindergarten's butt next year.

Meals
One of my favorite times of the day. Ok, any meal time is a favorite time for me, just ask any of my former coworkers. My last job was too structured, with no variation or freedom during the day, and I was always starving when noon came. So now, we all eat lunch between 11 and noon. Dinner is getting prepared at 5 p.m. and since I'm usually making child-friendly food (chicken tenders, spaghetti, mac and cheese) we are usually done eating by 5:30 p.m.

Night
Soon after dinner I give the kids their bath, and I do give them one every night. If not, I find they argue more about taking one. Then they are allowed to play until about 8 p.m. when I start warning them it's close to bed time. We read two of their favorite books and then it's lights out around 8:30 and they're sleeping by 9 a.m.

Cleaning House
I already blogged about my obsessive-compulsive clean routine, but since I work from home, believe it or not, I do most of it after 5 p.m. just like any other working mom. Sure, on Mondays I can take a few minutes to throw the laundry in and leave it, but all those clean clothes are waiting for me in the evening.

Being a stay-at-home, work-from-home parent is not for everyone. For me, I've never been happier. And now that I have a steady routine, I feel more focused and I think my kids do as well. They have a routine that keeps them engaged, active and on pace for learning and growing. And I have a routine that I can be proud of too.