My version of alone is more that I like to be left alone. After all, I love being with my family and having my parents a stone's throw away. But after first disengaging from the social scene I used to immerse myself in, to now disengaging from a work-social scene, I find that I rather enjoy the quiet my life has taken on, and I prefer it to stay that way. I do enjoy spending time with my family, but cultivating friendships? Eh. And the more I think about it, the more I realize I've always been this way. The only long-term friend I have is one I met in college, and there was an immediate friend connection that we both recognized and nurtured. We also understand each other's busy schedules, and are there for each other when needed, but not touching base every day. And that's ok. Other than that, when I look back, I realize other people have sort of adopted me or included me in their groups, where I never quite felt like I fit, and the fact that those people are no longer a part of my life is no big surprise.
And where I used to question my lack of belonging, I've now come to embrace it. I feel I have enough to interest me and many of the hobbies I enjoy are solitary adventures, which got me thinking. What is it that makes a loner like me ok with lonerdom? Here's my list of what made me realize that I am a loner, that being a loner is cool, and that being a loner does not mean you're going to end up wearing shades, a hoody and harvest a deep-seated desire to make bombs.
Personality Score
My four-letter type formula according to Carl Jung’s and Isabel Briggs Myers’ test is INTJ, which for women, is pretty rare. Basically, this is like being knighted as a loner in the psychological world.
Rules, limitations and traditions are anathema to the INTJ personality type - everything should be open to questioning and reevaluation, and if they see a way, INTJs will often act unilaterally to enact their technically superior, sometimes insensitive, and almost always unorthodox methods and ideas.
My personality and affinity for being alone is why I'm an ideal candidate to work from home. Ever since I left my crappy corporate job, I have been active all day long. Since I left my job, every day, Monday through Friday, has been spent in my home office. I am networking, researching, writing and doing some piece work, not to be confused with "working," a term which would cause the UE division to dock my ridiculously teeny tiny UE earnings. (Seriously, you are not encouraged to be entrepreneurial at ALL. I was told if I even spent 15 minutes in one day "working" on being self-employed, even if I wasn't getting paid, such as working on a web site for myself, that is considered one day of work and I wouldn't get paid for that day. To that, I give the UE office a big, fat middle finger. See? There's that bluntness rearing its head. Oh well.) So my days at home are not spent on the couch in sweatpants. In fact, I don't even own sweat pants, thank you. My days are spent, well, being active. Doing... stuff. At home. With my kids. Alone. Ish.
I Don't Care
I don't care about celebrities. I don't care about TV shows and I couldn't name one reality star if you offered me a million dollars. I was completely lost to the references offered up in My Fair Lazy, and if I had a water cooler, which I don't, I'd probably be lost to the chatter around that as well. I don't engage in nor do I care about the melodrama people tend to create. I never have. I think that's why I've had so few female friends (sorry, but it's true - women tend to gossip more and stir the pot). I don't care who did what to who or why you're telling me behind whose back. Huh? Exactly. Don't care!
My Hubby
My husband always likes to point out that I don't like to share. It's true. I didn't want to go away to college and deal with roommates, and my post-college apartment situation with a roommate lasted about a month. I grew up with my own room and I spent a lot of time in it, because, if it isn't obvious by now then you really need to catch up - I didn't have a ton of friends or a booming social life. And, sometimes as a teenager that sucked, but most of the time I was quite content to dim the lights, light a few candles and listen to Tori Amos or Nine Inch Nails.
But in my loner state, that doesn't necessarily equate to me not wanting to be around people. The fact that I have a husband should prove that. I just need to find the right ones. My husband has learned that I'm not needy, and that's ok. He can go down to his mancave in the garage and I can work on my writing. It's cool.
My Children
If ever there are two perfect little faces that can make me feel like a well-adjusted loner, it's my two boys. I do sometimes get wrapped up in writing, reading, or simply cleaning the house, but thanks to my boys I take well-needed breaks to get down on the floor and play. Again, being on the loner bandwagon, for me, just means a lack of a big social circle and a huge group of friends. I would rather spend time at home, with my husband and my children, than be anywhere else. And if I do find myself with time to spare, I don't desire to spend it elsewhere. I have plenty here that keeps me busy and happy.
Social Media
For a self-described loner, social media can be problematic. Unless you utilize the privacy functions. Which I do. A lot. Sorry if you don't make the cut, but I just can't get on board with having so much whining in my newsfeed. Or catfights. Or a thousand pictures of inspirational sayings or crude pictures with even cruder sayings that are someone's (not mine) idea of funny. So my Facebook feed is heavily edited, I have less than a hundred friends, and I don't miss what I'm not missing.
Loner Does Not Mean Selfish
I think somewhere in history, a loner became synonymous with selfish. I'm far from that. Most of my day is spent revolving around other people, namely my husband and our sons. However, in my forever need to question and evaluate, I do take a closer look at certain friendships at times, asking, what is this truly built on, is it a positive interaction, and am I getting back what I give? Sometimes the answers are not positive ones, and I tend to retreat further into my own world, backing off any further social activity. I also feel that as I get older, I simply don't need to cater to everyone else, which is also not selfish, just self care. It just makes sense that as we age, we evolve, and sometimes a person who fit in your life a few years ago, today, no longer does. And that's ok. At least I think that's ok. But I'm a loner, so I would, wouldn't I?
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